Damn Everything But the Circus
by Kohaku Minamoto
Summary: "It takes two to tango." After finding his fiancé in bed with his father, Gill runs away and joins Theodore's circus troupe. Animal Parade.
1. Chapter 1

**Damn Everything But the Circus  
****Chapter 1**

It was all over the island by the next day. The news that the mayor's son's fiancé had been caught in bed with her future father-in-law (by the groom-to-be, no less!) spread like wildfire among the town gossips. By noon, when Gill finally managed to drag himself out of bed, everyone from the oldest grandmother to the smallest child knew.

He had been saying in the Ocarina Inn for the past three days, hardly ever leaving his room. It wasn't as though he had anywhere else to go – his fiancé's farmhouse, where he had been planning to move in, was out of the question, for obvious reasons. So was his father's house, which he could not set foot in without wanting to destroy everything within reach.

It wasn't all that bad, he liked to think. The Ocarina Inn had room service, so the only person he ever really had to see was Maya, who had started including a free tomato juice with his lunch ever since she heard the news. It was the only bit of sympathy he could stomach – he could not go out to face the other townspeople, who would whisper behind his back and send him pitying glances as they passed him on the street.

Well, except for maybe one person.

"I've gotta say, I told you so," Luna said flatly, cutting another small bite out of her pumpkin pie. "I had a feeling this would happen."

Gill looked up from his tomato juice (which he was considering drowning himself in) to stare incredulously at her. "When did you ever say that?"

"Oh, somewhere in the few days between when you broke up with me and when you started going out with her," Luna replied in breezy tones. "Chase probably remembers, don't you, Chase?" she addressed the cook working behind the counter.

Chase merely raised his eyebrows. "I'm pretty sure the entire town remembers," he said sardonically. "You certainly said it loud enough."

Luna shrugged, unapologetic. "I never liked that girl anyway," she continued. "She dated practically every bachelor in town before she settled on you. And probably slept with at least half of them," she added as an afterthought. Out of the corner of his eye, Gill spotted Chase's reddening face before the cook turned away, pretending to straighten the tip jar.

He sighed, feeling a vague need to defend his fiancé (well, _ex_-fiancé, even though he hadn't actually spoken to her since the…_incident_). "Akari isn't a slut, Luna."

"I never said she was. But if ditching your fiancé for his father isn't slutty behavior, I don't know what is."

"I have to second that." Maya, who had come in on the tail end of the conversation, piped up. "And you know what, I have a theory!"

"Oh, no, another one of Maya's theories," Chase mumbled, and received an elbow in the ribs for his comment.

"Anyway," Maya continued, after giving Chase – who was rubbing his side with a frown – a dirty look. "I think Akari only goes after guys that are _taken_. Like, think about it. She started up with Owen, who's been pretty much engaged to Kathy since they were little, almost as soon as she got to the island. But a few weeks after Owen broke up with Kathy to date Akari, she broke up with _him_ to date Luke – which must've been awkward, since Owen and Luke live just up the road from each other – because she saw him making googly eyes at that girl who dances at the Brass Bar."

"I remember when Kathy and Owen broke up," Chase mused. "Then Kathy got into a fight with Akari and nearly took out the whole bar. Yolanda said it's the biggest catfight she's seen since Shelly and Irene got into that argument over Ramsey, back when they were all still young." He pursed his lips. "Weird though. I can't see Shelly getting into a fight with anybody, much less Irene. They seem like such good friends now."

"Well, Grandma doesn't like to get confrontational usually, but she's definitely fierce when she has to stand up for herself," Luna said with a hint of pride in her voice. "Well, go on, Maya. What happened next?"

Gill, despite himself, was almost fascinated in this sordid story. Though he'd heard rumors, he'd never inquired into Akari's previous relationships, simply because he hated gossip in all its many forms. It was the reason why he hardly came downstairs to eat – at rush hour, the Inn was the prime meeting place of all the town's major gossip queens. The only reason he'd accepted Luna's invitation to lunch was because it was at a time when the Inn was almost empty…and because the girl had threatened to blackmail him with various incriminating photos that he hadn't known she still had…

Maya was starting to get into her story. "Okay, well, Akari dated Luke for about a month, and then Anissa came back to town and started up with Jin again. So of course Akari dumps Luke and starts pretending to be sick all the time so that she can see the doctor, right?" She leaned in close, and whispered, "I hear they even did it in the Clinic a couple times when Irene was out."

"Irene _did_ come in around that time to ask for some new sheets," Luna said thoughtfully. "She said the old ones were stained, and some of them were ripped in places for some reason."

Chase recoiled. "That's disgusting. I'm never going to the Clinic ever again," he said fervently.

"Well, who did she go after next? Or did you not think about whose beds your girlfriend might have been in before yours?" Maya shot back, somewhat bitterly. Her relationship with Chase had never quite been the same after he'd cheated on her with Akari, and by this point, everyone knew. On an island as small as Castanet, it was nearly impossible for anyone to keep a secret.

An awkward silence descended as Maya looked pointedly at Chase and Chase tried to look at anything other than Maya. Gill fought back a sigh. Even he could see that Chase was utterly hopeless at mending broken relationships, especially with someone as sensitive as Maya. He felt an inkling of sympathy for the cook – another man whose life had been destroyed by a woman he could not resist.

Then he wondered if this applied to his father as well, and felt absolutely sick to his stomach.

"Uh, well." Luna broke the silence and skirted around the issue – even she wasn't quite up to delving into the dark details of Maya and Chase's breakup. "Didn't she start dating Toby after that?"

Maya broke off her glaring at Chase and turned back to Luna. The stormy look on her face started to fade slightly as she recalled the story. "Oh, yeah. Toby. You know, I really thought that relationship was the one that would make Akari change. Even though it broke Renee's heart, Toby was the one Akari stayed with the longest."

"Almost a whole year, wasn't it?" Luna sighed and shook her head. "I seriously thought they were going to get married."

"But it didn't happen." Maya rolled her eyes. "Because Akari left Toby to chase after someone _else's_ boyfriend."

Gill felt all eyes on him. He very pointedly did not make eye contact.

"And then she seduced Mayor Hamilton!" Gill had to take a gulp of tomato juice to cover his wince at Luna's words.

"Technically he's not taken," said Chase. Both of the girls glared at him.

"He was married!" Maya declared. "Even if he's a widower now, his wife will always be the one who has claim over him!"

Luna huffed in annoyance. "So she's dated practically every eligible bachelor on the island at one time or another, always when they had a girlfriend."

"Except for Julius," Chase said. Luna rolled her eyes.

"Which is a good thing. If she'd broken my sister's heart, I would've had to break her _legs_."

"And Perry," Maya said.

Luna made a face. "He's a _priest_."

"Plus, he's in love with Mira," Chase contributed, then reddened when everyone looked at him. "What? He talks about her all the time. It's impossible to miss."

Luna shook her head. "What about Bo?"

"Too young. She'd be arrested for pedophilia."

"The fortuneteller?"

"He's never had a girlfriend, as far as I know. Plus he's been around here for as long as our grandmothers, maybe longer – Grandma Yolanda said she once went to see him when she was a little girl. Though how it could possibly be the same guy, I'll never know…"

Luna threw up her hands in disgust. "I don't get it. What does everyone see in her?"

"Well, she is really pretty," Maya conceded, frowning. "I don't get it – she's out in the fields half the time, she handles animals on a regular basis, and she goes to the mines at least three times a week, and yet her skin's always perfect and her hair's always super shiny. When it's humid my hair frizzes, but hers never does!" She pouted. "It's not fair."

"She does have a pretty good sense of style," Luna said grudgingly. "I hear she gets her clothes from her cousin on the mainland. Though," she was quick to add, "she has massive biceps. Must be from all the farming."

Gill disagreed with that one a little bit – Akari's arms weren't _massive_, though they were quite muscular from the work she did. But he couldn't picture his ex-fiancé's arms without remembering how they had been twined around his father's neck in a loving embrace, so he said nothing.

Both Luna and Maya turned to look at Chase, who had retreated towards the kitchen in hopes of escape. No luck. "Well, Chase?" Luna said pointedly.

You could practically _hear_ the cook flinching. "What?"

"What do _you_ think?" Maya clarified. "Why _is_ Akari so attractive to men, even when they have _perfectly attractive girlfriends_ that they should be _ecstatic_ to be with?"

"Yeah, Gill," Luna said without subtlety, even going so far as to elbow him in the side. He glared at her. This _was_ a bit much, especially since it hadn't even been a week since he'd caught Akari cheating on him. Luna got the hint and left him alone. Chase, though, wasn't so lucky.

"Um," he said intelligently. "I think I hear Yolanda calling. I'd better go!" And he ran for it. The coward.

"Yolanda's not even here, Chase, she's taking a walk with Shelly!" Maya followed him, still intent on the subject. "What was it, Chase? Was it her boobs? Or was it her butt? I know those are the things that guys look at! Okay, maybe my boobs are smaller than hers, but my butt is _way_ nicer. Hers is as flat as a board! I – "

The back door of the Inn slammed, cutting off her last few words. And then there was silence. Gill swallowed the last of his tomato juice and stood up as quickly as he could without seeming undignified.

"I'm going back to my room," he said shortly, putting a few coins into the tip jar (Chase would probably need ear surgery by the time Maya was done with him). "Thanks for the – " he couldn't exactly say _great conversation_, seeing as how all discussion had been on his ex-fiancé's former love life, " – company. I'll see you later."

"Wait a minute, Gill." Luna grabbed his sleeve just as he was about to leave. "Have you spoken to your father yet?"

His gut twisted into intricate knots and the tomato juice threatened to make a second appearance. Gill swallowed with difficulty. "No."

"He wants to see you. Colleen can't legally give him your room number, since you're an adult and no longer under his jurisdiction, but he's been checking in every day, hoping you'll show up."

Gill couldn't stop himself from glancing out the window, half-expecting to see his father staring back at him. "I don't want to talk to him."

"I think you should."

"I think," Gill extricated his arm from her grasp and took a few steps away from her, "that you should stay out of this matter."

They'd dated for too long for Luna to be surprised at his harsh words – after all, she was capable of the same candidness that he was – but there was still a flash of hurt in her eyes when she looked at him. "I still don't understand what you ever saw in her," she said sadly.

"I thought I did," Gill found himself saying, as he walked away. "But I guess I was wrong."

* * *

_A/N: Wow, so I totally did not expect to be doing this, since I was working on_ Dolce, Ma Non Troppo_. But that story's kind of hit a bit of a block, since it requires so much character development, and then this baby popped up! Yeah…_

_Originally it was going to be Chase who ran off to join the circus, but I decided it was a bit too ridiculous, since he's too committed to his cooking to do something that ridiculous, and anyway, who would his fiancé cheat on him with? It's much more dramatic with Gill, no?_

_Chapters one and two were originally one chapter, but it got to be too long, so stay tuned for the next post, coming soon!_

_Title is from a quote by Corita Kent._


	2. Chapter 2

**Damn Everything But the Circus  
****Chapter 2**

He'd first kissed Akari in the church, by the Wish Mural. She'd laughed against his lips, a bright sound more beautiful than bells, and her long lashes had brushed feather-light against his skin. And in that moment, he realized that he loved her, more than he had ever loved anyone in his entire life.

He had liked Luna quite a bit, of course – her personality appealed to his own, and she was always interesting to talk to – but in his heart, he knew that she would never fully understand him. She had never seen the Harvest Sprites, never believed in the story of the Harvest Goddess, never felt the pain of loss when one day the Harvest Sprites suddenly just disappeared. Luna was far too pragmatic a person to believe in children's tales.

Akari understood. She'd been determined to save the Goddess Tree, to restore life to the island. And despite her faults – and there were many, as Luna pointed out – he'd loved her for that.

If he were to be totally honest with himself, he admitted that there was something romantic about it. Two lovers working together to save the land that they both cared for. Gill was far too controlled and professional a person to daydream, but in sleep, when his mind was least guarded, he often dreamed about the life he and Akari would have together.

They would live on her land – she couldn't leave her work, after all, but he didn't mind. Her farm was close enough to Harmonica Town that he'd be able to walk to Town Hall every morning to continue his own job as deputy mayor, and that way, he'd be able to help his sometimes-absentminded father on a regular basis. Eventually, he thought, they would have children, and when they were old enough, he would bring them to Town Hall, where they could learn about the workings of the town and where they could be spoiled by a doting grandfather.

Children…in the deepest recesses of his heart was the wish that he would admit to no one, not even Akari. It was the desire to have a child. A little girl, who would have Akari's hair and his eyes, who he could read fairytales to and take walks with, who would grow up knowing the story of the Harvest Goddess, who he would one day have chase the town's boys away from. The child had first appeared in his dreams the day after he'd proposed to Akari, and he'd woken up with his hands outstretched, hearing the little girl's laugh still ringing in his ears.

Gill was not the type of person who tended to delve into the meaning of dreams – that was better left to the town fortuneteller – but even he could not ignore the vividness of this recurring fantasy. The child was meant to be, he knew it; it was only a matter of time.

The dreams stopped after he caught Akari with his father.

In retrospect, he wasn't sure how he'd missed it. All those times Akari had gone to Harmonica Town "on business" and not come back for hours, all those potato dishes she insisted on taking to the mayor, though Gill knew that his father could cook perfectly well on his own. His father had stopped looking him in the eye when Gill came to the Town Hall, and he thought he'd caught a whiff of Akari's rose-scented perfume around the house in town – which was odd, since Akari hadn't visited there since Gill had moved in with her.

He didn't like dwelling on these thoughts, however. It only made him feel even more stupid for not realizing his fiancé's infidelity before it was too late. Also, it made him want to break something, and when you're living in a rented space, you can't exactly vent your anger by throwing things at the wall.

He actually spent a lot of time walking around the town at night, when all the shops were closed and everyone had gone home. Gill didn't sleep much these days, because every time he closed his eyes the image that flashed behind his lids was that of Akari's nude body curled up with his father's. It made him nauseous to think of it, since that meant his father had seen more of his ex-fiancé than he had. He and Akari hadn't even had sex yet – it was an agreement that they would wait until marriage.

It was so ridiculous that he had to laugh, if only to keep from going crazy. The first and last time he would see his fiancé naked, she was in the arms of another man.

Gill was normally quite a forgiving person, despite popular belief. He'd forgiven his father for forgetting his birthday, he'd forgiven Luke for building his desk the wrong way, he'd forgiven Luna for publicly humiliating him after their breakup. He thought that grudges detracted from life, and that no wrongs could not be righted with some time and the proper perspective.

He could not, however, forgive this. He didn't think he would ever be able to face Akari or his father ever again.

So it was a bit of a shock when, at 3:00 in the morning, he encountered his father by the old lighthouse. He certainly hadn't expected it – his father was usually in bed before midnight except on festival days, and few people ever visited the lighthouse anyway.

His father's expression was so heartbreaking that Gill was suddenly transported back to when he was just seven years old, when his mother had passed away. He had never seen his father look so upset since then, until now.

At seven, he was already a rather reserved child, but still he had run into his father's arms and hugged him tightly. Now, twelve years later, Gill merely stood where he was, keeping his expression blank.

"Oh, Gill," his father said, and the words were so heavy with sadness that Gill felt himself tremble. He had to lock his knees to keep from walking towards his father.

"Father," he replied, his tone deliberately cool. "What are you doing out here so late?"

"I…I've been looking for you." Unconsciously, Hamilton took a step forward. Gill deliberately took a step back. His father got the hint and stayed where he was, though his body was still angled towards his son, as though he had to physically check himself from rushing forward to embrace the young man. "I wanted to apologize."

"I don't want to hear it." Here would have been the perfect point to turn around and walk away, but Gill had his back to the cliff and Hamilton was blocking the only path to the bridge. Briefly, Gill wondered whether it would be worth it to dive into the ocean, just to escape this conversation.

"Please, son – "

"No." He was seriously considering it now, despite the treacherous hidden rocks beneath the surface of the water and the powerful tide. "I don't want to hear you defend yourself to me."

"I'm not defending myself." Hamilton's eyes were shining with unshed tears. "I accept responsibility for what I did. Granted, Akari had some part in it, but my own weakness is also to blame. As your mother used to say, 'it takes two to tango.'"

She did say that, Gill recalled. Usually it was when Gill got into a conflict with another kid (usually Luke; even at that age the boy was so _loud_) and tried to place the blame on the other child. It was the motto he repeated to himself every time he felt like everything that happened to him was someone else's fault. To hear it out of his father's mouth felt especially damning now, since he had no idea _who_ was more to blame: Akari, for trying to seduce Hamilton in the first place, or his father, for giving in to her advances?

"I allowed myself to give in to temptation," Hamilton said, unconsciously echoing Gill's thoughts. "I was unfaithful to your mother's memory. But most of all, I hurt you, my son." A tear ran down his cheek, and for perhaps the first time, Gill realized just how _old_ his father was. Not just on the exterior – he had just celebrated his forty-sixth birthday last month – but also on the inside, despite all his efforts to mask it with vivacity and cheer. He'd been through so much in his lifetime, first losing the woman he loved and having to raise his son alone, then running a town that was falling into a depression with the loss of the Goddess Tree. Even now, with the land slowly recovering, the scars remained, deep inside.

"I am not asking you to forgive me, Gill," Hamilton said, his voice shaking slightly, "I am only asking you to understand that I am sorry, more sorry I have ever been in my entire life, more sorry than all the words in the world could ever express. I just wish you would come home."

Gill looked away. He cleared his throat. "Why?"

"I'm worried about you. The fact that you're out here tonight means that you're not sleeping properly. I never see you during the daytime – it's not healthy for a young man your age to stay inside all the time. I want to be able to see you, to make sure you're alright."

"I am," Gill said. _Physically, that is,_ he added silently.

The two of them stared at each other for what seemed like several eternities. Finally, Gill turned away. "I accept your apology," he said, forcing his tone to remain neutral, "and maybe I will return home one day. But not today, and certainly not tomorrow."

"Where will you go, then?"

"I don't know."

Another silence. Hamilton sighed.

"I understand if you hate me, Gill."

"I don't hate you, Father." And it was true. Despite all that had happened, he could not bring himself to feel true hatred towards the man. They had been through far too much together to grow so estranged, though Gill could not look Hamilton in the face yet without feeling sick to his stomach. The wounds were still too fresh, too raw.

"Then I am glad. I-If you decide to leave the island…will you come and say goodbye before you depart?"

It had crossed his mind multiple times, leaving Castanet, but in his planning he'd always imagined sneaking off in the dead of night without saying anything to anyone, much less his father or Akari. He exhaled very slowly. "I will," he promised.

"I wish you the best, then." Gill felt like laughing. He wasn't even leaving for sure, and they already sounded like they were saying goodbye forever.

"You too, Father."

He wasn't looking at his father, fixing his gaze instead on the ground, but after a pause, he heard Hamilton's slow footsteps as he walked away.

It was only after the footsteps faded away completely that Gill bent his head, closed his eyes, and finally allowed himself to cry.

* * *

_A/N: I thought it was appropriate to end the chapter here, seeing as how it was a bit emotional. For some reason I started writing Gill and Hamilton's dialogue in very formal, almost Shakespearean language. It's what I get for trying to read _Hamlet_ while writing this. But Gill is supposed to sound kind of formal, since he's trying to keep his emotions inside._

_I know Animal Parade doesn't mention anything about Gill being able to see Harvest Sprites when he was little, but it was in Tree of Tranquility, and he _does_ make this funny face (which made me lol) and say he thought he saw something (i.e., Finn) when you meet him after ringing the Green Bell._

_Poor Gill, and poor Hamilton! Akari's all to blame! Well, maybe not, but she definitely plays a big part in it. But seriously, your character seems like such a slut in the game! And her clothes are all so short! And what is with all this present-giving to the guys?_

_I should shut up. Nobody cares what I say anyway._

_Next chapter: the confrontation with Akari, and Gill's decision to run away!_


	3. Chapter 3

**Damn Everything But the Circus  
****Chapter 3**

It was the evening of the twenty-second of the month, and the circus was in town. Gill, sitting at the counter of the Brass Bar with his head in his hands, had no intention of going. Instead, while most of the townspeople were off at the circus marveling at the animals, he planned on getting good and drunk, just so he could forget everything that had happened in the past week with his father and his fiancé.

Gill didn't drink ordinarily. Though Hamilton had never strictly forbidden it, Gill knew that his father greatly disliked alcohol and the effects that it had on some men. Gill himself only ever drank on special occasions, and even then only very sparingly.

Akari had tended to drink often. That, coupled with the fact that she could not really hold her alcohol, had established Gill as the sober one early on in their relationship. After all, somebody had to walk Akari home on nights when she was too drunk to climb onto her horse. Gill didn't mind all that much. He'd only gotten really drunk a few times in his life, and it tended to lead to rather embarrassing events. Luna, who had caught him in one of these states, enjoyed telling him about the time he'd jumped up onto a table and started singing "Baby Got Back", with liberal interpretive dancing. Apparently, she still had pictures.

But now that he and Akari were over, he was no longer responsible for anyone but himself. So, after downing an apple cocktail in a few gulps, Gill only hesitated for a beat before ordering another. Kathy gave him a surprised look as she approached.

"Gill? This is…pretty out of character."

"That's a light way of putting it," Chase said from his place at the kitchen counter. The cook crossed his arm over his chest and shot Gill a knowing look. "But it's not such a big surprise. He's going to get plastered so he can forget about his fiancé sleeping with his father."

Gill felt his face heat at this blunt appraisal of his emotions. "Well, what about you, Chase?" he shot back. "Worked things out with Maya yet?"

From the evil look that the cook shot him, the answer was a resounding "no." Kathy rolled her eyes and placed Gill's cocktail in front of him. "Play nice, boys," she admonished, and held out her hand for Gill's money.

"You're certainly one to talk," Chase snapped, humiliation making his voice sharp. "Who was it that broke three chairs and a table a year and a half ago in a fight?"

Kathy flushed at the memory. "That was – that was – " she stammered, then composed herself with a huff. "Well, a girl's got to fight for her man once in a while!"

"Amen," came from Selena, who was at the other end of the counter, taking a break from her dancing. "Well, unless that man is a complete ass," she added as an afterthought. "In which case, I say, let the bitch have him. They deserve each other."

Gill closed his eyes and took a sip of his cocktail. Chase scowled darkly. Kathy shot Selena a disapproving look. "She doesn't mean you guys," she said soothingly.

"Well, maybe not Gill, but Chase, on the other hand…"

"What's that supposed to mean?" Chase demanded hotly. Selena looked pointedly at him.

"Gill at least had the decency to nicely break up with that Luna girl before he started dating Akari. You, on the other hand, seemed to just forget about that formality and went right ahead. Who's more of an ass here?"

Kathy frowned. "You have to admit, Chase, that _does_ kind of qualify as jerk behavior…"

Chase groaned and looked to the heavens as though pleading for escape from this two-pronged attack. "Goddess, it was _one_ time. Can't I ever be forgiven?"

Selena shrugged. "Hey, I don't really care what kind of trouble you get yourself in. It's not my problem, as long as your food still brings people to the bar to see me dance. I doubt Maya's forgiven you, though."

"She hasn't." Chase suddenly looked very depressed. All the starch went out of his posture as he sank back against the counter, bangs hanging limply over his despondent face. "Yesterday she threw her shoe at me after I said her attempt at a blackberry pie made me never want to touch a blackberry ever again."

There was a brief silence as everyone stared incredulously at the cook. Selena spoke just as the little bell at the door jingled, signaling the arrival of a new customer.

"You, my dear, are an imbecile."

"Who's an imbecile?" Luke asked eagerly, taking a seat beside Selena at the counter. Casually, he slung his arm about her shoulders and she leaned into him, hiding a happy smile at his presence. Jealousy lanced through Gill's heart. How many times had he and Akari sat where Luke and Selena now were, in exactly the same position?

"Chase is," Kathy told him. "He may be a master of cooking, but a way with words he has not."

"Trouble with the ladies?" Luke offered the cook a sympathetic look.

"Just one in particular," Chase mumbled.

"Maya?"

Chase didn't respond, but both Kathy and Selena nodded for him. "He's an insensitive jerk to her," Selena said succinctly.

"Ah." Luke nodded with the air of a great sage, well-versed in the ways of wooing women. "Not much of a charmer then."

"Nope."

"Absolutely not."

"Nice to know you all have such faith in me," Chase grumped. Gill had to hide an amused grin in his glass. The alcohol was having an effect; he was starting to find things funny.

"Well, you have to admit that you're not always a nice person, Chase," Kathy said, not unkindly. "You've got your moments, but they're rare."

"_Really, really_ rare," Selena added. "Much in the way a raw piece of meat is really, really rare."

Luke cracked up, as though this were the funniest thing in the world. "It's moments like these that I really, really love you," he said to Selena, leaning over to kiss her on the lips. She blushed prettily and smiled at him. Gill saw Chase roll his eyes.

"And you two are really, really making me sick," he mimicked, and pushed away from the counter. "I'm going to take a break."

The four of them watched the cook leave and slam the door behind him. Luke sighed deeply, the sage shaking his head at a novice's clumsy mistakes. "Poor guy," he said. "I mean, I've got an excuse for acting stupid sometimes, since I'm oblivious, but I'm pretty sure Chase is smart enough to know when he's being mean."

Kathy, who had been looking worriedly at Chase's retreating form, pursed her lips. "I really hope he gets his act together," she said. "Maya's such a sweet girl, and Chase is alright most of the time."

"He was definitely less of a grouch when he was dating her," Selena conceded.

"Maybe it's the sex," Luke mused, and received a bop on the head. "Ow!"

Kathy rolled his eyes and shook out her hand. "Is sex really the _only_ thing men think about?"

"No!" Luke protested.

"Yes," Selena said decisively.

Gill, sensing an argument coming on, took this as his cue to leave. He wasn't as drunk as he had planned to get, but there was a pleasant buzzing in his head that seemed to be drowning out all of his troubles. He stumbled a little walking out the door but caught himself before he fell. The young man straightened and took a deep breath of the crisp night air.

"Gill?"

He froze. The speaker was out of his line of sight, standing far to his right. But he knew well enough who it was nevertheless. He turned around slowly.

Akari stood in the middle of the road. Her eyes were wide with surprise, reflecting the light from the streetlamp above them. "Um," she said awkwardly, fidgeting a little with the fishing pole in her hands, "hi."

Gill didn't say anything. He merely stared at her.

"It's…uh…it's been a while."

He still did not speak. To anyone who did not know her, Akari looked exactly the same as always; she was dressed in her work clothes, her hair combed in its usual style, with her rucksack slung over her shoulder. But Gill had spent far too much time with his ex-fiancé not to notice the little changes to her appearance that told him Akari was not adjusting quite as well as most people thought. She was wearing glasses – something she often did, when it suited her outfit – but Gill recognized these nondescript wire frames as the only ones in her collection that actually had a prescription. They were the ones that Akari wore when her eyes were too dry and irritated to accept her contacts; usually she wore them on days after she stayed up late or after she'd cried for a long while. Gill was not sure which was worse.

Akari didn't wear much makeup, usually, but one thing she always wore was mascara, a deep black that did not match her normal hair color. She wore it even when she was just out working, a strange quirk that Gill had come to accept. But today her lashes were normal, untinted.

She was wearing very few accessories, also – the amber pendant and earrings Gill had given her for her birthday last fall were absent (he'd gotten amber because the jewels matched the soft, bright shade of her eyes almost perfectly), as was the gold bracelet that had been a present from Hamilton, after Gill had announced their engagement. She still wore her engagement ring, though, the simple silver band on her left ring finger glaring evidence of her hope.

"Dammit, Gill," her sharp voice shook him out of his thoughts. "Aren't you going to say anything?"

His mouth twisted a little. "What is there to say?"

"Well, you could at least say hello!"

"Hello," he complied, flatly. "And now, goodbye."

He turned to leave. Then something hit his back, hard, knocking him forward a few steps. Akari's arms wound tight around his waist; she was so close that he could feel the soft curves of her body against his. He stood stock-still, unwilling to turn around and yet unable to pull himself away.

She rested her head between his shoulder blades. "Please don't go yet."

"Well, you _are_ making it rather difficult."

"I just wanted to talk to you, Gill."

"You've sort of done that already." Where were all these sarcastic responses coming from? He sounded like Chase! Must be the alcohol…

"_Gill…_"

He frowned. Her body, warm against his, was too physical a reminder of their bond. "Let go first, and then we can talk."

She released him from her embrace, somewhat hesitantly, and he took a few steps back to a respectable distance. Her eyes were bright with tears, and Gill winced inwardly. He absolutely _hated_ it when Akari cried.

"Um…so…" she sniffled, swiped a hand across her face. "How are you?"

"Never better," he deadpanned. "Well, you know, except for the obvious. How are you?"

Akari blinked. "I'm…having some trouble," she admitted quietly. "The farm is…deteriorating."

"Mm?"

"The tomatoes aren't doing so well," she offered.

Gill could not resist saying, "Are all the cherries gone too?"

Akari got the innuendo and had enough grace to look appalled. "Gill!"

He didn't apologize, and Akari subsided into a slightly offended silence. "Yeah, though," she said after a moment. "They're gone. Almost all of the crops are dying."

"Haven't you been taking care of them properly?"

Akari nodded wordlessly, then blurted out, "Finn's left me."

_He's got the right idea,_ Gill wanted to say, but restrained himself this time. "Oh?" he settled on instead, trying to seem noncommittal.

"He disappeared the day after…that." Akari let out a shaky breath. "H-He had been telling me not to go to your father, because it would hurt you. I should have listened…" She bowed her head for a long moment, crying very quietly. Gill made no attempt to comfort her. He was afraid that if he opened himself to her grief, he'd end up forgiving her.

"The Harvest Goddess says he won't come back," Akari sobbed. "And now I can't see her anymore either, or the other Sprites. And just yesterday, Ramsey told me that the fires aren't going as hotly anymore. Things are going back to the way they were before I rang the bells!"

She raised her tearstained face to look at Gill, who still stood impassively before her. When he did not speak, she threw her arms in the air. "I screwed up, okay?" she cried out. "I've ruined everything, especially with you, and I'm so sorry, but does the entire land have to suffer for it?"

Gill had no response. Akari took a few steps forward and took his left hand gently in both of hers. Her fingertips brushed lightly over his bare ring finger. "You're not wearing…your engagement ring…" she said softly.

"I stopped wearing it a week ago."

Her grip tightened on his hand. "I…" She took a deep breath and started again. "I know…that I might be asking too much…but would you please…come back? Everything else is going wrong and my life is falling apart, b-but I think I could face it…as long as you're with me."

Gill had to bite his lip very hard to keep from saying yes. In spite of everything, he was still in love with this girl, and seeing her in so much pain wrenched harshly at his own heart. But he could not forgive her so easily, not after all that had happened, so he steeled himself and said, "Do you know what I've been hearing about you?"

She looked confused. "What?"

"I'd heard about your reputation before," Gill continued on, his voice rough, "but I didn't know the whole truth until just a few days ago. You break people's hearts and you take things that should not be yours to take in the first place. I was prepared to overlook all of that, because I loved you so much, and because I thought you loved me enough to change. But you didn't change, and I don't trust you to change now."

"But I did change!" The tears were running thickly down Akari's face, but she made no move to wipe then away. "I swear, you're the only one I really love. I-I made a mistake…please, Gill, don't leave – "

Gill closed his eyes. He suddenly felt very tired. "I loved you too much to forgive you now," he murmured. "There are some wounds that will always run too deeply to heal."

"Gill, I – "

He pulled his hand from her grasp. "Some of my things are still at your house," he said. "I would appreciate it if you'd pack them in boxes and leave them outside your door. I'll pick them up tomorrow. Then," he took a breath and let it out slowly, "I think you should leave the island."

The shock on her face was heartbreaking. "What?"

"You can't see the Harvest Sprites or the Goddess anymore. I don't think they will reappear to you."

"T-They might! Just give it a little time, they'll – "

He cut off her desperate stammering. "It just doesn't work that way, Akari. You can't save the island anymore."

"Then what are you going to do?" she cried. "Wait for someone new to come along? That could take years!"

"Then it will take years," Gill said calmly. He smiled, very slightly, at his ex-fiancé. "You proved that it's not impossible, Akari. Someone can always do what you did and restore life to the land. Just go back to the mainland and forget about the Goddess Tree. There's nothing more you can do."

There was nothing more to say. He left her standing in the middle of the road, tears streaming down her face. As soon as he turned the corner and was out of her line of sight, he broke into a run, sprinting hard and fast along the empty street past darkened buildings. His footsteps made soft thuds against the stones; his breath hammered in-out, in-out. Gill was a naturally gifted athlete and could run as lightly and fleetly as a deer with hardly any exertion, but there was no art to his running now.

He was running desperately, blindly. He was a hopeless man trying in vain to escape from his demons…and knowing all the while that they would eventually catch him.

* * *

There was a bit of a problem with running blindly, though: you can't see where you're going, so you tend to run into things. Gill ended up running into a short, rotund man on the steps leading up to the church grounds. The short man flew one way, Gill the other, both landing hard against the pavement.

"Oh my," the man gasped, struggling to stand up. "Are you alright, my boy?"

Gill, slightly winded and bruised but not hurt, stood up and brushed himself off. "Yes…I think I am. Are you?"

"Oh, I'm fine." The man seemed to be looking for something. "Have you seen my hat? It seems to have – "

Gill glanced about and spotted a top hat lying at the edge of the path, half-obscured by weeds. He picked it up. "Is this it?"

"Oh, yes, yes. Thank you." The man fixed the hat back on top of his head and ran a hand over his thick, luxurious mustache. "My name is Theodore," he introduced himself, and bowed low in a theatrical manner.

"Theodore? You're the ringmaster of the circus that comes once a month?"

"That's me. And you are…?"

"I'm Gill."

Recognition dawned on Theodore's face. "Ah, you're the mayor's son!"

Gill winced a little; these days, he did not want to be identified as such, for obvious reasons. "Yes, I am."

"I remember you! Maybe you don't remember me, but I once met you when you were very young."

Gill raised his eyebrows. "I don't remember the circus ever coming to Harmonica Town when I was younger…"

"No, no, not with the circus! I was once a mayor too, just like your father. I lived in Flower Bud Village, and your father once traveled there to discuss a possible trading agreement between Flower Bud on the mainland and Harmonica Town on the island. He brought your mother along – a very lovely woman, how is she now? – and you were there too! You couldn't have been more than four or five…and you were such a quiet, serious child. You and Maria got along perfectly, though. You're so much alike."

The name "Maria" brought a hazy memory to mind – solemn topaz eyes, meticulously ironed gray jumper dresses, and a rare, shy laugh. "Maria?"

"My daughter." Theodore beamed, in the manner of every proud parent. "She's all grown up now. Even though she didn't go to college, she is so interested in learning and knows _so_ much. She manages the town library on her own, you know. I have no idea how – keeping track of that many books would give me a massive headache – but she's incredible at it! Ask her where any book is and she'll find it for you, quick as anything!"

Gill interrupted – it was obvious that if he didn't stop Theodore, the man would happily go on prattling about his amazing daughter for the rest of time. "If you were the mayor of Flower Bud Village," he said slowly, "then…why are you here now?"

Theodore's happy expression lost its glow. "Oh…well…" He cleared his throat. "The town is doing very well now!" he said brightly. "It practically runs itself. I wanted to do something before I got too old to travel, you see, so once a month I spend about two weeks touring different places with my circus. It's alright; Maria manages the town finances while I'm gone, and there's never too much work for her."

Gill sensed that there was another reason that Theodore wasn't mentioning, but it wasn't within his nature to pry. "I see."

"I was just about to find a room at the Ocarina Inn," Theodore said. "It took _hours_ for me to get the animals settled. Usually it'd be easier with my assistants around, but one quit two days ago, one's getting married, one's sick, and another one's run off – he does that about every other day, usually when there's work – so that leaves me with only one person to help me clean up." He huffed a sigh. "It's so troublesome…"

"Would you be willing to take on another assistant?" Gill found himself saying. He blinked. Since when had his mouth started acting without his brain's permission?

Theodore looked surprised as well. "Well, yes, to replace Mark…but aren't you helping your father run the town?"

"My father and I…are having a bit of a disagreement." Well, if _that_ wasn't the understatement of the century… "We both agreed it might be better if I…took a vacation, maybe."

"This certainly won't be a vacation. You'll have to work very hard."

"I understand, and I will." This was surreal! He wasn't really going to go work with a traveling circus, was he?

"Well, then…the pay's not spectacular. I pay for the rooms in each town, but you need to find your own food and any other supplies you might need. You might be able to work odd jobs to earn more money, but we never stay in one place for too long. And once the two weeks are up, everyone usually goes back to their respective villages, though sometimes they'll stay in Flower Bud Village."

"That sounds fine."

"Well, if you're sure…we leave tomorrow morning, bright and early. If you're not on the pier by eight o' clock sharp, we're leaving without you, understand?"

"Yes."

Theodore squinted at him. "You _do_ get along with animals, don't you? I should have asked this earlier, since it's the most important part."

"I…I've never worked with animals before," Gill admitted, "but the island's strays don't seem to mind me, and I learn fast."

"That's good enough for now," Theodore said cheerfully. "Anyway, if the animals don't like you…well, you seem to run pretty fast, so at least you'll be able to get away before they hurt you. Or chase after them when they escape!" He laughed. "Well, I'm going back to the Ocarina Inn. Gather your things – you won't be able to carry much, so don't pack more than essentials – and get a good night's sleep. I'll see you tomorrow morning!"

Gill watched the ringmaster walk off into the dark. He slumped down to sit on the steps and ran a hand through his hair, mussing the usually neat blond strands.

_So,_ he thought. _I've just agreed to run off and join the circus._

Gill groaned and knocked his forehead against his knees.

_Brilliant. I'm never drinking, ever again._

* * *

_A/N: Wow, longest chapter yet! I was almost tempted to split this in two, but I did say the confrontation would be in here…I guess the beginning part got away from me._

_I almost wish Gill was staying in Harmonica Town! I'm having too much fun making fun of Chase's failed relationship and all…but no, he must depart. Boohoo. He'll probably return for a while sometime though!_

_By the way, I found something on a forum that was Gill's official story (canon ftw!) and it says that his mother died at seven. That's so tragic, but all I could do when I read it was go "squee!" and say "omg, who totally guessed right? Who totally called it? ME, that's who!" Yeah...my life is kind of sad, so I take great pleasure from simple things like that. Lol._

_It is a very fortunate coincidence that I played Harvest Moon: Magical Melody before. It's the only other HM game I've played besides Animal Parade (well, I've played A Wonderful Life also, but that was a long time ago…), but I know it pretty well. Get ready for random cameos! This is becoming a crossover…sort of…_

_I'm doing some research, so characters from other games will make appearances, particularly as Theodore's assistants. I've kind of decided on them already, but if you guys have any suggestions, please let me know! I've love to have more options – I mean, one-/two-line descriptions on a website aren't a very good indication of a character's personality…_

_A big thanks to _**Mani Clover**_ and_ **kubathewolf123218**_ for being uber-awesome and leaving reviews for chapters one and two! Remember, everyone: reviewers are an author's best friend, and if you leave an opinion, your idea might show up in a later chapter! You never know!_

_(This is my way of advertising, by the way. ;))_


	4. Chapter 4

**Damn Everything But the Circus  
****Chapter 4**

Gill slept more deeply than he had in a long time that night. It was odd, since he'd just made one of the most bizarre choices ever, but it was a definite decision, and the relief guided him into deep slumber. Finally, he would be escaping from the odd state of suspension he'd been in ever since he'd found Akari with his father. His life, which had been taking on a somewhat surreal cast, was becoming more real. Even it was crazy for a mayor's son to be joining a circus, he was at least _doing_ something.

He'd mapped out his plan before bed: he would first go to Akari's house to pick up his things – early in the morning, so there would be no chance of catching her – and then he would walk back to his father's house and say goodbye. That would leave him enough time to unpack what few necessary items he would require from the boxes and stash the rest in the Ocarina Inn's storage house.

He had to enlist someone to help him carry boxes, though, and the only ones who woke up at such an ungodly hour – besides maybe the town fortuneteller, and he was out of the question – were the children. He'd encountered Paolo as he was walking home the night before; the child had been chasing after a stray cat and tumbled right at his feet.

"Oof. Sorry, Mister," Paolo groaned, scrambling upright. "Oh, hi, Gill!" he said brightly, upon recognizing the mayor's son. "What are you doing out so late?"

Gill raised his eyebrows. "I should ask you the same question."

"Nuh-uh, I asked you first!"

"A lot of adults are outside this late at night. You, on the other hand, should be in bed."

"Yeah, but I was trying to catch – " Paolo's eyes widened as he realized his mistake. "Aw, man, she got away!"

"Why were you chasing a cat in the first place?"

Paolo scowled a little. "I was writing a letter to my aunt on the mainland, but then the cat snuck up behind me and stole it! That letter took me _forever_ to write…" He sighed, thin shoulders sagging. "I guess I'll just have to write it over again."

Gill glanced towards the rooftop of the Choral Clinic, where the cat was sitting almost smugly with the paper in its mouth. "Tell you what," he said. "If I help you get your letter back from that cat, will you help me out with something tomorrow morning?"

Paolo practically jumped for joy. "Yeah, sure! How are you going to get it back?" His mouth opened in a round "o" of recognition when he spotted the object in Gill's hand. "Hey, the Animal Whistle! I've seen Akari use that before!"

Gill, who had been raising the little yellow whistle to his lips, stopped. Shocked by Paolo's words, he was unprepared for the sudden memory that assaulted him, potent as poison in his veins.

_Akari's cat, Ginger, was a temperamental little creature with a bite as sharp as the spice that she shared her name with. Gill, knowing that he would have to get along with all of Akari's extended animal "family" if he wanted to spend his life with her, had made several attempts to approach the cat, but every time he did, she ran away. If he pursued her, she would hiss and spit and swipe at his hand._

_Akari thought it was hilarious. "It's a good thing you're dating me and not her," she commented one day as Gill sat at the kitchen table, bandaging his recently-clawed hand and scowling. "Otherwise you'd be in big trouble."_

_"I can't live here if that little hell-cat is here too," Gill grumbled. "She climbs into the bed when we're both asleep and sits on my face. I think she's trying to suffocate me."_

_Akari fairly howled with laughter, grabbing onto the counter to support herself. Gill waited, somewhat miffed, for her to regain her composure._

_She did eventually, wiping a few tears of mirth from the corners of her eyes. "Well, we can't have that happening," she said cheerily. "But I can't throw my cat out just so you can have some peace of mind. So let me help you make friends with her."_

_She patted at her pockets. "Where is it…where is it…aha!" Triumphantly, she drew out the object she had been looking for – a small yellow whistle. "This is the answer to all your problems!"_

_Gill's eyebrows rose. "A child's toy?"_

_Akari pouted. "No! This is the Animal Whistle! Animals like the sound of it. I actually used this to train Ginger to do tricks."_

_Gill's eyebrows rose even further, looking as though they were in danger of disappearing completely into his hairline. "I've never seen Ginger do any tricks at all." Indeed, that cat – in addition to being more prone to constant PMS than any human female he'd ever known – was incredibly lazy. All she did was sleep in the sun all day!_

_A slight flush stained Akari's cheeks. "Well, it's kind of hard," she said defensively. "Cats aren't really meant to do tricks…but she's learning! Anyway, if you use the whistle, you could probably attract her to you. But don't do it outside, otherwise you'll have all kinds of wild things coming down on you."_

_She held the whistle out to Gill, who took it hesitantly. "Thanks…? I'll give it back to you later."_

_"No worries; I've pretty much made friends with all the animals on the island. Keep it! Maybe you'll need it again someday." She leaned to kiss him, her lips petal-soft against his –_

"Gill? Hey, Gill!"

He blinked, momentarily lost. "Huh?"

Paolo gave him a weird look. "Wow, you really spaced out there. What's up?"

Gill shook the last vestiges of the memory from his mind. "N-Nothing. Just…remembering something."

"Must've been something bad. You had a really weird look on your face." Paolo worked his features into an approximation of Gill's expression. Gill had to fight off a wince. He really hope he didn't look like that – it was embarrassing.

"It wasn't…bad, just…sudden." He shook his head. "Nevermind. Do you want me to call the cat down?"

"Yeah!"

Gill set the whistle to his lips and blew once, gently. The cat's ears perked up and she leapt down from the rooftop to land lithely a few feet away. He blew it again and she approached cautiously, padding softly on dainty paws. He knelt very slowly and held out a hand; the cat sniffed his fingers, deemed him acceptable, and allowed him to pet her.

He scratched her between the ears and, while she was distracted, gently slid the letter from her jaws. The cat hardly noticed, she was purring so loudly. He held the letter out to an astonished Paolo. "Here."

"Wow, that was amazing!"

Gill shrugged and stood; the cat looked up at him disappointedly. "Shoo," he said to her, and she walked away disdainfully, haughty as any queen. "Why did she want the letter in the first place?"

"Oh…" Paolo looked embarrassed. "I was kind of eating my dinner when I was writing it and spilled a little on the corner. I guess she thought it was food." He stuffed the letter in a back pocket and clapped his hands together. "Anyway, thanks a bunch! What was it you wanted me to help you with?"

"I need some help moving boxes very early tomorrow morning. Can you wake up at five-thirty, or is that too early?"

"That's no problem! Sometimes I even wake up earlier, just to see the sun rise!"

Gill blinked; he could not fathom why anyone would ever want to get up so early for no reason other than to watch the sunrise. "Okay…then meet me outside the Ocarina Inn tomorrow morning. And…" He hesitated a beat, and then continued. "Don't tell anyone, alright? It's not a big secret, but I rather no one knew about this."

Paolo looked up at him with an open, trusting expression. "No worries, you can count on me! I'll see you tomorrow!" And he ran off, leaving Gill standing in the middle of the road. He stared after Paolo for a moment, then turned back to walk towards the Inn.

* * *

As promised, Paolo met him outside the Inn, fresh and beaming in spite of the early hour. "Morning, Gill!"

Gill rubbed a hand across his eyes. He disliked waking up this early, and after having the only good sleep he'd had in a while, he was disinclined to leave his bed. "Good morning." He stifled a yawn with one hand, then started off down the street. Paolo fell into step beside him.

"So, where are we going?"

"To A – " He had to swallow hard before saying the name. "To Akari's farm."

"Oh. Why are you getting stuff from there?"

Gill searched for a plausible answer, but eventually just settled on the truth. "I'm…moving out."

"Oh. You were living with her before?"

"Yes, but not now."

"Did you run away?"

Gill thought he'd misheard. "What?"

"Well, sometimes pets run away…or kids…" Paolo considered this for a moment. "I guess it doesn't work with older people, though."

Gill really had nothing to say to this. They continued on in silence for a moment, then Paolo piped up again. "Toby's thinking about moving out."

"Oh?" It wasn't that much of a surprise – the other young man spent so much time outdoors he might as well be a hobo anyway.

"Yeah. I think it's because of Renee."

So the two had made up. At least someone was going to have a happy ending. Gill only wished, with the slightest bit of bitterness, that it was him and not Toby.

"He went to go find the blue feather yesterday, but he was looking for a ring to buy her as a present too. I went with him to the Accessory Shop – he was so lost. Toby might know a lot about fish, but he definitely doesn't know anything about rocks!" Paolo giggled, the peals of laughter echoing off the hills around them. "It's a good thing Mira and Julius were there, otherwise we might have been stuck in the shop forever!"

"So they're getting married." A sharp pang lanced through his heart – it wasn't important, exactly, but until recently, he'd thought he would be the first out of their age group to be married.

Paolo didn't seem to notice. "I guess so…Dad did some crazy whooping when Renee showed him her ring. You know he used to yodel? Not that weird cowboy yodeling…but Dad says if you do it the right way, the fish will swim to you."

Ozzie was a weird one, Gill decided. No wonder he'd sometimes seen the older man whooping while casting out with his fishing rod. "I'll…keep that in mind."

Paolo raised his eyebrows in a curiously adult manner. "Don't. It doesn't work."

By this time, they'd arrived at the road leading up to Akari's farmhouse. Sure enough, there were three boxes, stacked atop each other by the door. Suddenly feeling shaky and nervous, Gill took a few steps forward…then stopped in his tracks.

Akari hadn't been exaggerating, he thought mistily, looking about him. The farm really was falling apart.

He had only been gone for a week, but when he had left, Akari's small farmplot had been bursting with vibrant color, yielding plump fruits, crisp vegetables, and brilliant flowers. The animals had been fat, happy creatures, tamed under Akari's expert care – even Obsidian, the cantankerous ostrich, had eventually become docile enough to ride. Her small farmland had been the picture of prosperous growth, a symbol of life returning to the island.

Now, however, it was all gone. The crops were withered, drooping excuses for plants, while the trees had dropped most of their leaves, leaving only naked branches behind. Gone were the beautiful flowers; only weeds covered the dried earth. A scrawny chicken pecked halfheartedly among the decaying plant life, occasionally letting out a despairing coo. After a moment of staring, Gill managed to identify the pathetic animal as Snowbell, three-time first place winner at the Animal Festival and queen of the coop. Now her glossy feathers were dull and bedraggled, her intelligent eyes hungry and dumb.

Oh, how far the mighty have fallen.

Snowbell raised her head as Gill approached the house. She let out a quiet squawk which Gill largely ignored; he was looking for any signs of life within the farmhouse. It was too early even for Akari – the notorious morning person – to be awake, but he would rather not have to speak to her now, especially seeing the state of her once-beautiful farm. He beckoned to Paolo (who had fallen silent, cowed by the ghost-town quality of the farm), and the two of them gathered the boxes together.

"What's wrong with her farm?" Paolo whispered to Gill. "Last time I checked, this place was amazing."

"The land's going back to the way it was before," Gill replied grimly. Paolo's eyes widened and he almost dropped the box in his hands.

"You mean…before Akari arrived? Before everything got better?"

Gill didn't want to worry the child, but he'd already spoken the truth. There was no help for it now. "Yes, that's right."

Paolo stared at him. To his horror, Gill saw tears gathering in the corners of the child's eyes. "But…why?"

"Because I made a lot of mistakes," said a feminine voice. Paolo jumped, nearly dropping the box again. Gill felt his spine stiffen.

Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Akari looking at him. "You can go ahead, Paolo," Akari told him gently. "I'll help Gill with the boxes. I'd like to talk to him anyway."

Paolo hesitated, looking between the two adults. It was only when Gill gave him a curt nod that Paolo set down the box and started off down the road, looking over his shoulder at them every few steps. Gill watched him go.

"Gill." Akari sounded unbelievably tired, as though the events of the night before had drained her of all energy. "Would you like to come inside?"

"I have to leave soon," he muttered, still not looking at her. "And I haven't finished packing."

In all honesty, he didn't think he could handle another exchange like the one he'd experienced the day before. He was too tired, to emotionally drained, to fight off Akari's pleas once again. Luckily, his ex-fiancé didn't seem to have enough life left in her to rouse into passion. She sighed, and he heard her clothing rustle as she shifted.

"I'll only take a minute of your time," she said, voice slightly hoarse. She was almost unnaturally calm, especially compared to her demeanor the night before. "I had a feeling you'd be leaving too. I…I just wanted to say goodbye."

Gill's head whipped around and he stared at her. Akari looked at him, brown eyes wide in her pale face. There was no resistance in her expression, only acceptance.

"After you left last night," she said quietly, "I went home and cried my eyes out for hours. I don't really know what I was expecting when I found you, really. Maybe that you'd forgive me and take me back and we'd be the same as before. It was a stupid thing to think, I guess."

Gill found himself reaching towards her bowed head, as if to stroke her hair, to comfort her. He just barely managed to restrain himself and jerked his hand back, folding his arms to make sure such a thing would not happen again.

"After I finished crying," Akari continued tonelessly, "I sat outside for a while. And you know, I got to thinking." She twisted her hands together. "I've been working with animals for a long time, Gill, and I know how they work. They're a lot like people in a way – they can only take so much abuse, and there's a point when they can't take anymore and everything just explodes out. They kick, they bite, sometimes they even try to kill. But animals are different from humans in one way: they don't forgive."

She looked up at him then, eyes shining with misty light. "It makes sense, doesn't it?" she said softly. "If a snake bites you, you're not about to go make friends with it, are you? Especially if it's poisonous. You'll try to get rid of it, kill it so that it doesn't hurt anyone else." She spread her arms wide. "That's what the land's doing to me. If not even the earth will accept me any more, why in the world did I think you would?"

Though her voice was shaking now, her eyes remained dry. She sniffed once, looked out across her desolate farm. "Poor Snowbell," she said softly, looking at the hen scratching among the dying corn. "She's the only one left. I had to sell all the others, but Snowbell wouldn't stay in the coop at Horn Ranch. She kept coming back." She rubbed at one cheek hard, leaving red streaks on her skin. "She just doesn't know when to give up." This was said in a very small voice, so faint that Gill almost did not hear her.

He took a deep breath. "Will you be leaving the island?"

Her eyes flickered to him. "Yeah. In a few days, probably. I need to get some paperwork filled out and delivered to your fath – to Mayor Hamilton." Neither of them acknowledged her slip, though the awkwardness of it hung in the air between them like a physical presence. "Then…I'll go back to the mainland."

She was rummaging in her pocket for something. "Here," she said, holding out something small that glimmered in the light of the sunrise. "This belongs to you."

He took the engagement ring from her; their fingers brushed and their eyes met, and suddenly he was holding her, embracing her small frame tight against his chest as though he never wanted to let go. He heard the shuddering of her breath; she was crying now.

"I'm sorry, Gill," she muffled into his shirt. "T-This is all my fault. I-If I'd learned from my mistakes…if I were a better person, the land would still be safe and you'd still be here with me." One small, callused hand came up to fist in the material of his shirt. "I had everything…and I messed it all up." A shaky exhale, a desperate inhale. "I'm such a t-terrible person."

Gill surprised himself by saying, "No." Because despite all that had happened, Akari was still one of the most vibrant, caring people he'd ever met. She'd brought the island back from destitution, and she'd made him more happy than he'd ever been in his life – and that was why her betrayal could hurt so much, because he could not find it within himself to condemn a person he had loved so much and so deeply.

He closed his eyes, breathing in the faint, sweet smell of her for what he knew would be the last time. "You brought hope back to the island," he said quietly. "No terrible person could have done what you did."

She stilled in his arms. Gill gently released her, stepping back a few feet. She looked at him with the familiar amber eyes he thought he'd be waking up to for the rest of his life. In his mind, he was already bidding farewell, though his heart was torn between leaving and staying. But he couldn't stay; their relationship was already too broken for that.

"Thank you, Akari," he said, simply and meaningfully. "I…" He cleared his throat, started again. "I wish you the best of luck."

Akari pressed her hands against her cheeks and stared at him for a long while, eyes searching his face as though committing his features to memory. Then she closed her eyes, lashes glimmering with tears. "Goodbye," she whispered, so faintly that he almost did not hear her.

He picked up his belongings, balancing the boxes atop each other with some difficulty, and walked away. He didn't look back, because he thought that if he saw that broken and lost look in her eyes again, he would not be able to leave her.

* * *

_A/N: Whew, that was a doozy! That'll probably be the last we see of Akari for a long while, if not for the entire fic. I dunno, I don't really like writing the Gill/Akari scenes, just because they're both such unhappy people now and their relationship is so screwed up. I hope it was plausible…if not, tell me what I can do to improve! Emotional displays make me uncomfortable, even when writing, so I try to steer away from them. But this is an emotional story (though it'll get less so, I promise; it just seems super emo-angsty now), so I'm just going to have to suck it up._

_WOW RANT OK._

_In case I didn't emphasize it enough, Gill does NOT hate Akari. Often it is the people we love who hurt us the most, and yet we can't find it within ourselves to despise them for it. Sigh. Humans are strange creatures, that's for sure…_

_See you next chapter, when Gill FINALLY leaves the island (and the backstory ends and the "adventure" part of this story begins! With possible romance, teehee)._

_P.S. I hate to do this, but PLEASE REVIEW. I mean, I know people are reading this because of the hit count this story has, but I'd like to know what you guys think! Even just a "yay" or "nay" as to whether you like it is good enough for me! Thanks!_


	5. Chapter 5

**Damn Everything But the Circus  
****Chapter 5**

Gill took an uncharacteristically long time to pack, considering his usual efficiency. He told himself that it was because he had to be sure to pack only essentials, but truthfully, he just didn't want to go see his father. He'd already said goodbye to one person he loved – he wasn't sure that he could handle another.

But he had promised his father, and at 6:47, Gill finally stopped refolding a shirt for the tenth time and acknowledged that whether he wanted to or not, he had to go say goodbye. He put the shirt into the suitcase, tucked his journal beneath it for safekeeping, and then proceeded to stuff everything else inside the boxes he'd taken from Akari's house.

He had to make two trips to get everything into the Ocarina Inn's storage house. He hadn't actually cleared it with Colleen or Jake, of course, because that would mean his departure would become public in no time, but he'd left them a note with his fee and a healthy tip; he hoped that would make up for his abrupt leaving.

On his second trip down the stairs with the remaining box and his suitcase, he nearly ran into Chase. The cook just barely managed to swerve out of the way, rescuing the pots and pans he'd been holding from crashing to the floor. "Whoa," he said, somewhat irritably, "what's the rush?" His eyes traveled to the suitcase in Gill's left hand. "Leaving?"

Gill nodded mutely. Chase raised his eyebrows. "I hope you paid," he muttered.

"I did," Gill replied, feeling somewhat miffed. Emotional distress or not, he wasn't about to just skip out on Jake and Colleen's hospitality.

Chase set the pots and pans on the counter. "Going home?"

"No." Gill hesitated for a moment, then decided that Chase wasn't exactly the type to go trumpeting the news to everyone on Castanet in the early morning. "I'm leaving the island."

Chase didn't seem surprised, only skeptical. "Have you ever been off the island?"

Gill frowned. "Once when I was younger, I think. And then another time to attend a competition."

"What competition?"

"Athletics."

"Did you win?"

"First place in my division, third place overall."

"Good work," Chase said, sounding deeply unconcerned by this news. "Well, that doesn't exactly count, does it?" He leaned against the counter, folding long arms across his chest.

"What do you mean?"

"You never actually _traveled_. You were either staying in one place with your parents protecting you and making sure you were properly fed and clothed, or you were provided with services at the competition site. Not exactly real-world living."

"I'm aware of that," Gill began, annoyed, but Chase interrupted him.

"What the hell are you planning to do for a living?"

"It's none of your business," Gill said coolly, shifting his grip on his suitcase (he was contemplating whether it was worth it to hit Chase over the head with it), "but I do have a job. I think I'll be able to manage."

Chase rolled his eyes. "It's your life to ruin, I guess," he said, "but let me give you some advice before you go."

Gill almost declined, but managed to remember just in time that Chase was probably one of few people on Castanet who had ever actually left the island. "Alright," he consented grudgingly. "Shoot."

"Well, first of all, be careful about the water. Not everywhere is as clean as Castanet – actually, few places are. If you're not absolutely sure, just go for bottled, even if it's more expensive. Second, if you're going to be in the city, don't eat the food that they serve in the big restaurants. It's disgusting and greasy and will probably give you heart disease before you're thirty."

"Got it," Gill said dryly. "Anything else, O Great Master?"

Chase shot him an annoyed look. "You know, I'm actually trying to help you," he snapped. "Believe it or not, I do care about whether this island starts going to hell or not. If you die for some stupid reason while you're out gallivanting around the mainland, then there's no one to succeed as mayor when Hamilton eventually dies or steps down. So stop acting like listening to me is such a chore and pay attention, would you?"

Gill couldn't stop himself from gaping at the other young man. He didn't think he'd ever heard Chase say so many words in one sitting. "Fine," he said, trying to retain some dignity. "Go on."

Chase, still red in the face with anger, subsided slightly. "Okay," he muttered to himself, the fire going out of his tone. "Just one last thing. Don't trust city girls."

_I already kind of knew that part,_ Gill thought to himself, but didn't voice it. "Why do you say that?" he asked instead. Chase shifted uncomfortably.

"It's just…the girls on the mainland aren't quite like the girls here. If someone…misbehaves here, everyone knows about it." There was a very awkward silence, and Gill knew they were both thinking about the same person. Chase cleared his throat and went on. "Um…yeah. So most of the girls here try to be nice, because they know that there are mothers and grandmothers watching their every move. But in the city, no one knows or cares about what you do, so try not to look like too much of a country bumpkin or a naïve idiot. You'll get eaten alive otherwise."

The corner of Gill's mouth quirked. "Speaking from experience?"

The color that had faded from Chase's cheeks came back full force. "No," he snapped, suddenly belligerent. "I'm done. Go away."

Gill fought not to snicker at the look on the other man's face. "Alright," he said, amusement coloring his voice for the first time in a week. "Thanks, I guess."

Chase had turned away and was noisily rearranging the pots and pans on the counter. "Yeah, whatever," he mumbled.

Gill stepped towards the door. As he pushed it open with his shoulder, he couldn't resist one last dig.

"Good luck with Maya!" he called in all seriousness, and barely managed to duck out the door before Chase threw a wok at his head.

* * *

His good mood faded as he approached his father's house, clutching his suitcase tightly in one hand. The familiar arch above the garden, once white but now somewhat gray with age and accumulated grime, looked like worn-out bone against the morning sky. Gill stepped through and down the short path, feeling for all the world like a stranger. Before he could stop himself, he rushed forward to knock upon the door.

It flew open almost immediately. His father stood before him, a blue dressing gown over his pajamas and his hair in early morning disarray. "Gill," he said, somewhat out of breath.

Gill, who had drawn back in surprise at the door flying open, composed himself. "Did you know I was coming?" he asked woodenly. Hamilton shook his head and adjusted his robe, which hung limply off his shoulder.

"No. But…" He hesitated for a moment. "Since you told me you would be leaving, I've been waking up early each morning, just in case you came to say goodbye."

Gill observed the heavy bags under his father's eyes with some concern. "You...didn't have to do that," he said faintly, then steeled himself. "I can only be here for a little while. The ferry leaves at eight o' clock, and I can't be late."

"Oh…you're leaving the island?"

"Yes. With Theodore's circus."

Hamilton's forehead creased deeply. "With the circus? Gill, what – "

"It's only a job," Gill cut in quickly. "I won't be doing it forever."

He was keeping his father at arm's length, he knew, with his impersonal speech and cold tone, but he wasn't about to make the same mistake that he had in his goodbye with Akari. Gill shifted a little, moving his suitcase to the other hand.

Hamilton's voice, when he spoke again, was startlingly fragile. "Will you be coming home?"

Gill didn't look at him as he said, "Someday, I suppose. But I don't know when."

"Oh." Out of the corner of his eye, Gill saw his father fidgeting with his hands, looking lost. "I…I suppose I should wish you good luck, then."

"Thank you." The stilted conversation was nearing a breaking point, Gill sensed, and he wanted to get out of there before they reached it. "I should be going."

He heard his father inhale, as though he wanted to say something more, but Hamilton merely said. "Alright. Goodbye, Gill. Be careful."

"I will, Father. Goodbye."

There was a moment of silence, then the door shut quietly. Gill stood in the garden he'd played in as a child and wondered at the stark contrast between his parting with Akari and his farewell to his father. Perhaps, he thought, it was far easier to say goodbye to Akari, as it was likely he would never see her again. But saying goodbye to his father, who he would one day have to return home to, was too difficult. There was too much that had to be left unsaid, wounds that only time could fully heal.

Gill let out a short, staccato breath. Then he walked out of the garden and down the steps, away from the home he'd grown up in.

It seemed like he was the one who was constantly leaving – his home, his father, Akari. It was an exhausting and emotionally draining process, Gill thought, and he sent a silent, fervent wish to the Harvest Goddess, wherever she was. _Please don't let me have to leave again._

* * *

It was 7:45 when Theodore showed up on the pier. Gill had been waiting for nearly half an hour, sitting on top of his suitcase with his head in his hands. He glanced up when he heard the two pairs of footsteps approaching.

"Ah, Gill!" the ringmaster called. "It's good to see that you showed up!"

Gill nodded silently and stood, brushing himself off. Theodore beamed at him.

"Gill, I'd like you to meet Kasey Peyton, another one of my assistants. Peyton, this is Gill Hamilton."

The man beside Theodore was approximately Gill's height, but far broader in the shoulders. He wore worn-out work clothes and his dark hair was swept back in careless disarray. "Hey," he said amiably, holding out a sun-browned hand. Gill could feel the hard calluses on the other man's palm as he shook his hand.

Theodore put his hands on his hips. "Do you have any idea where Jude is?" he huffed. "I haven't seen him all morning, and we leave very soon!"

Unconcerned, Peyton merely shrugged. "He'll show up eventually," he said with surety. "He always does."

Theodore shook his head. "If he doesn't," he threatened, "I'm leaving him behind!" He went off to speak with Captain Pascal – presumably about the animals, who needed special care when traveling – leaving Gill and Peyton standing together on the dock. Peyton shrugged with faint amusement.

"He always says that," he said ruminatively, "and yet Jude's still with us."

"But you have no idea where he is?"

Peyton chuckled. "I told Theodore that, but between you and me, I'd bet that Jude got drunk last night and passed out somewhere."

Gill raised his eyebrows. "Shouldn't we be looking for him then?"

"I wouldn't worry. I have no idea how, but Jude always seems to know when he should wake up so that he makes it to our meeting place in time. Oh," he added, lifting his head. "I think I hear him now."

Sure enough, with a thundering of footsteps, another man arrived on the dock. He bent over, panting. "Whew, I made it!" he whooped breathlessly. At this, Theodore turned around.

"There you are, Jude!" he said, sounding annoyed. "Where in the world were you yesterday?"

"I had some business…to take care of." Jude straightened. He caught sight of Gill and grinned. "Hey, who's the new kid?"

"Kid?" Gill was a bit annoyed. Despite the fact that both Peyton and Jude were obviously in their twenties at least, he was still an _adult_.

"Jude, this is Gill," Peyton said, throwing the other man a warning look. "He's new."

"Hey, cool!" Instead of shaking Gill's hand as Peyton had done, Jude lifted one arm in what could only be described as a salute. Gill observed – with some annoyance – that Jude was taller than he was by several inches, and that the other man's messy, wavy brown hair gave him at least another inch of height. He was dressed in much the same clothes that Peyton was, though Jude was of a significantly leaner build. "What's up? I'm Jude Jackson. You can call me Jude, Jackson, Jack, JJ, or, as the master here likes to say, 'you delinquent bastard.'" He squinted at Gill. "How old _are_ you, anyway?"

"Nineteen," Gill said, as frostily as he could. "Twenty this winter."

"Wow, you _are_ a kid! Barely old enough to drink, even! What are Peyton and I going to do with you when we go out on the town at night?"

"Jude," Peyton said warningly. Gill frowned. Jude grinned even wider, if that were possible.

"Hey, don't worry, I'm just joshing," he said good-naturedly, even going so far as to slap Gill on the shoulder. "You can hang out with us anytime, so long as you lose the shorts." He paused for a moment, considering. "Well, if you do, it might be good to get some other pants, at least. That much skin might be offensive."

Out of the corner of his eye, Gill saw Peyton cover his eyes and groan a little at his counterpart's tactlessness. Gill, for his part, was starting to discover that Jude rather resembled Luke – with about twice the energy and three times the rudeness, that is.

Theodore huffed, drawing their attention back to him. "Jude, what kind of business was so important that you left me and Peyton to do all the work?" he barked. "Were you off drinking again?"

"Uh, no," Jude said flippantly. Not even Gill, who had only known Jude for all of three minutes, was convinced. "Actually, I had to rescue a damsel in distress," he went on.

Peyton raised his eyebrows. "Did this one slap you too?"

Jude mock-scowled. "As a matter of fact, no," he said, sniffing. "She was upset, and I merely offered her my shoulder to cry on."

A chill ran up and down Gill's spine at this. Jude went on, oblivious. "Cute one, too," he said thoughtfully. "Big brown eyes, innocent kind of look."

"And we all know you like that type," Peyton muttered under his breath. Jude seemed not to hear this, though, and Gill could only wonder what Peyton had meant.

"Poor girl," Jude continued. "Apparently she and her fiancé had just broken up. She was crying pretty hard though, and saying some weird stuff. Something about a Goddess and Sprites and some guy named Finn. Maybe he was her fiancé, I dunno. Anyway, I asked her if she wanted to get something to eat, but she just ran off." He frowned. "Hope she made it home okay. Never did get her name, though…"

_Akari,_ Gill thought, and had to bite his lip to keep from speaking the name aloud. Theodore seemed unimpressed by this story.

"Damsel or no damsel, you still skipped out on work. I'm withholding your pay for this month."

Jude groaned. "Aw, come _on_. How am I going to eat?"

"Maybe another 'damsel' will take pity on you," Peyton said in all seriousness. Only the slight twitching of his lips gave away his mirth. Jude glared at him.

"_Not_ funny, man. Come on, Theodore, I promise I'll make it up to you at our next stop."

"This isn't up for negotiation," Theodore said with an air of finality. "And it's time to leave. Let's go."

"That's harsh, Theo, harsh," Jude said mournfully, following the shorter man onto the ferry.

"Well, how about I leave you with only one assistant and an entire circus to manage, and then let's see how charitable you feel."

"It's just _one time_!"

"And you chose that time right when I was understaffed!"

Peyton and Gill watched the two of them disappear below the deck, still bickering. Peyton sighed. "Business as usual," he said. Gill looked incredulously at him.

"It's _always_ like this?"

"Yeah, pretty much, except it's like Theodore said – we're understaffed. I mean…" As they boarded the ferry, Peyton listed off, "Mark quit so that he could run his own business, Gwen is taking time off for her wedding – we're stopping by for that, by the way, so I hope you have a suit – and Hazel got sick when we were in the harbor town on the mainland, so we had to leave her at the local clinic there. Jude chose a really bad time to run off." He caught Gill's frown and smiled reassuringly. "Don't worry though. Once Gwen and Hazel come back, it'll be easier."

He disappeared below deck. Gill paused for a moment, glancing back at the just-awakening Harmonica Town. Captain Pascal, who was at the head of the boat, coughed a little to get his attention.

"You might want to take a picture, boy," he said. "With this crowd of loons for company, it might be a while before you see it again."

* * *

_A/N: I actually typed this while I was at work – you can see how bored I was._

_Meh. To tell you the truth, I didn't like this chapter too much. It's mostly just filler – getting the goodbyes and introductions out of the way before the action starts. So I kinda lied…nothing important happens in this. Hopefully more interesting things will occur!_

_I know that in Animal Parade, there's not much mention of Chase leaving the island, but he did say he was from the city at some point…so I kinda combined that with his leaving the island in Tree of Tranquility in order to create this! Somehow I can just see Chase as the type to get screwed over by some foxy city girl and then turn really bitter about it…or maybe I just like torturing the kid? Hehe…_

_If anyone can figure out where each of the mentioned characters are from, props to you! I spent quite a while trying to figure it out and decided on this cast, though others may appear. I'm trying to use as few OCs as possible, so this cast is – at the moment – all canon characters, though perhaps with modified names (hint hint)._

_Thank you to _**stormy-sunglasses** _and_ **Winter Oak**_ for being super awesome and reviewing!_

_Leave any comments you might have in the review box and stay tuned for the next chapter!_


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